The open doorway reveals a square chamber, thirty feet wide. There are doors in the north, east, and west walls.
In the center of the room is a three legged table and a three legged stool. A steaming hot pie rests on the table, and an orc sits on the stool, poking at the pie with his spiked club.
You are all hungry for pie. What do you do?
Aha, the old Lemon Meringue Pie and the orc scenario. Yep, definitely Lemon Meringue Pie, yum. Well there’s only one option for one such as me of course. I distract the orc by ripping my shirt from my back and displaying my very manly form allowing my fellow adventurers access to yonder pie. I then do a stunning little dance tripping the light fantastic out through the nearest door. The orc is of course stunned into immobility the whole time and doesn’t come round until I’m long gone. I also whistle a jaunty little tune the entire time, of course, goes without saying really!
While Shane seduces the orc, we have the rouge check the pie for traps. Also, detect magic on the pie. For good measure, someone poke it with a ten foot pole. We need to make sure this pie isn’t actually a mimic.
If Shane’s attempting to seduce the orc, I suggest he puts some of the rouge on his cheeks ;). Sorry Jambu, couldn’t resist that one! More seriously, rather than poke the pie with the halberd, given the risk that the magic might travel up the pole and affect its holder, someone should throw something at it, perhaps a loose brick or stone lying on the floor of the chamber. But good call for pointing out that the pie could be a mimic: I was at a gamer buddy’s place yesterday and we watched some old Red Dwarfs (Dwarves?), including the episodes with the killer shawarma kebab and the killer vindaloo.
Damn spell check. I was thinking that If the orc is charmed, we could have him poke it. I quickly realized that he already did! He was poking it with his club when we came in, so either it’s safe or dead. Regardless, we should double check and then serve it up, checking for poison, and leave a slice for the orc. After all, it is his pie.
Well we could charm the orc into thinking he’s got one over on us by having access to this delicious-looking pie (actually, simple headology would probably do) and then taking a bite out of it. If it *is* a mimic, the orc will receive the negative effects; if it’s not, we can use his greedily eating a piece of the pie as a distraction while we nip past him, whipping the rest of it from him as we do so. Aaaah, outwitting orcs, there’s no greater pleasure… 🙂
It’s genius! If there is a fast-acting poison, we will know immediately. we do that. Now the question is which door do we go through? North, east, west, or the still smoldering door we just crashed through?
This is the point where I usually say ‘Let’s split up and…’ and then look up to see the DM grinning and rubbing his or her hands with glee. I go ‘Actually, tell you what…’, to which the DM, grinning even more widely now, responds ‘Oh no, you’ve announced your action, you can’t rescind it, mwa ha ha ha…!’ So I’ll wait a bit to see what ideas my companions come up with.
If he’s still around, I think we should let Mongo’s instincts decide. Last time they led us to pie. Of course, if he was wearing metal armor, he is currently a pile of melted flesh. Let’s hope that’s not the case.
Agree. But now is nighty-night time here in London, UK, so I’ll catch up with you guys in a few hours [Zzzz……..].
Slakjawed, the orc watches Shane prance across the room and out the nearest door (to the west.) The orc, mesmerized, trails after him, but stops at the doorway and turns worriedly around.
He turns to see Jambunathon and Indy holding a ten foot long pole with a pie slicing knife tied to the end of it. Just as the pie gets cut open a dozen (vampire?) bats erupt from it, flying and fluttering around the room, obscuring vision and confusing the senses. A rolled scroll tied with black ribbon sits in the crust of the pie pan.
The orc screams in rage and charges the duo.
A few dozen feet beyond the door, Shane arrives at a set of steep stairs leading downwards. He can see the sandy floor of a natural cavern opening out at the bottom.
Hearing a heart-rending scream I stop for a moment wondering what to do. Can I really abandon the guys to a terrible death at the hands of an orc and a Lemon Meringue Pie?
Meh… of course I can. What was I thinking.
I take a hesitant look down the stairway, pick up a few stones and throw them down, just to see if they attract any unwanted attention. If all’s clear I descend to investigate the cavern.
I swing the pole round to slice at the orc, turning his scream of rage into one of extreme pain as the knife slashes his face, and as I do so I gesture to Jambunathan to grab the scroll. We both then race through the West door to re-join Shane (with me thinking why didn’t he come back up when he heard the screams? He must be in some kind of trouble out there, because he’d never have just abandoned his companions to their fate. Would he…?).
Oh, trouble… Yeah, yeah that’s what it was. Big hairy thing. And slime. Lots of Slime. Slime like you wouldn’t believe. Gone now though. Yeah. Fought him off. *sniff*
yeah. S’what it was alright. I’ll just wait hear then shall I?
*whistling nonchalantly*
OOC – third attempt to post. Maybe a smartphone issue.
OOC – Hooray, success. Doesn’t like the mobile site. Have to go to the full site to post. Anyway…
OOC – Don’t get me started on technology…
IC [Looks sceptically at Shane]. Good job *we’re* here then, isn’t it? [Turns to Jambunathan] Eh Jambunathan?
I’m here! Sorry, had trouble getting the scroll. Bats got in the way. Anyway, let’s read it! Detect magic, check for traps, all with a ten foot pole held using mage hand.
OOC- Internet issues. Looks like everyone’s having trouble today.
Heh, slime that’s funny. Plop, sssssss…. Ow!
Shane looks up to see tendrils of gooey green slime dripping from the arched doorway into the sandy floored natural cavern. Like ticks, green slime is attracted to body heat, of which Shane has (or had) a surplus. Shane melts into a pool of bubbling slime. No one will ever know what became of him now.
Meanwhile, Indy swings his extensible pie slicer around just in time to halt the orcs advance upon the end of it, stuck like a pig on a spit. The orc pulls himself long the length of the pole, unwilling to give up the ghost just yet, causing Indy to drop his long range pie slicer, and make for the door.
Jambunathon can feel the tingle of magic as he picks the scroll out of the remains of the pie, licking his fingers of the crusty dough. As the pair of them make their way along the trail Shane blazed, they hear a sizzling, burbling sound ahead, and smell a fetid odour. out of danger, they pause to unroll the scroll, and as Jambunathon scans the runes, there is a flash, then darkness…
Let’s hope that it’s a resurrection spell…
I’m betting it’s a, ‘Hah. Suck on That’, kind of a spell 😀
Protection from burrowing creatures, 10 ft radius 🙂
(J/K) new post tonight.
Very handy.
OOC – Sorry, I’m also indyhippo, but that’s my publishing blog; cattybigness is my personal one. my username on forums being catty_big. (Just thought I’d confuse y’all a bit).
Ok, final final change. Looking forward to the next stage of the adventure 🙂
Heh heh… dissolving into a puddle of slime. It was always an ambition of mine!
By the way, if some one happens to melt into a pool of themselves, boils in their own juices, or meets any one of the other myriad ends in these scenarios, that doesn’t mean they are out. Jump into the next post, or find away around my summary judgment.
On the other hand, if a character has shown themselves to be a certain way, like able to use magic, or missing an eye, I will expect them to maintain the verisimilitude while their character lasts. This is free form role playing, but after all, we must have standards!
In that case, after what seems like an age but is in reality only about a minute, light fills the chamber again and we see that it was indeed a resurrection spell, designed to counteract the effects of the slime on any bold adventurers smart enough to outwit the ogre (which, let’s face it is pretty much everyone). Shan is standing at the stairs leading down into the pit, looking dazed and confused. I rush over to him.
Shane, you’re alive. Thank goodness! Quick, let us descend the steps. Ah but wait, how do we know that there isn’t more slime down there, ready to drop on our heads and reduce our bodies to a pool of molten goo?
Well…. We do have a ten-foot pole…. And apparently someone (presumably me) has mage hand.
After being delighted with Shane’s spontaneous reappearance, I begin to wonder how it happened. I look at the scroll in my hand. My eyes suddenly light up as I quickly copy this spell into my spellbook. After that, I look down the stairs, casting light on the pie knife at the end of the ten-foot pole to help me see.
Also, what’s the status on the orc? Based on the last post, he may still be up and kicking with our improvised glaive currently sticking out of his chest. If that’s the case, the last bit didn’t happen. Just light on a copper coin tossed down the stairs
After coughing up large globules of slime, I grin madly at cattybig before thanking her and vomiting another puddle at her feet. I then wink insanely at her once more before screaming “Slime for the Slime God” and leaping headlong down the stairs three steps at a time(3 being the sacred number of the Slime God). Once at the bottom I immediately search out any more of the Slimey goodness in a bid to bathe in the blessed excretions of my God.
“Come, embrace the Slime God chaps, and chapettes.” I shout with slime-filled enthusiasm.
Meanwhile, a coin whistles past my head distracting me momentarily, or was it just a glint of light from above.
eh, who knows… I return to my slime-bathing.
OOC: night night everyone. Getting late here x
OOC – I obviously need to find a more male-looking cat for my profile pic 😉
Heh, you all are hilarious, but too far, no ret-conning and only I know what the scroll does, besides it was all for naught, Shane was determined to become one with the slime.
The scroll was read, Shane was dead, the orc was stabbed with the knife-on-a-pole, which was left behind in the angry, and now hurt, orc. New post coming soon.
It’s been great fun so far Jason, thanks for posting it 🙂
Seconded. First time I’ve played in over a month, and I’m in Jason’s group. The first post was a little joke. The whole friday night game was “you see a door, what do you do?” “we open it!” “the door explodes. everyone dies.” I like where this has gone so far. The fact that we have one recurring player in London, one somewhere that’s probably not the US, and both me and our DM in America makes timing a little difficult, but It’s worked out so far. Like the others, I eagerly await the next post.
That’s the beauty of the Internet :). It brings people together and it means you can get a game somewhere at almost any hour of the day or night. It’s also interesting and wonderful that something which starts off as an in-joke can balloon into a full-on pbb (play by blog) game. Next adventure please Jason!